RACE to the top of Jebel Hafeet

With three days of holidays declared for Eid, I thought it was about time that I started to explore the United Arab Emirates and what better way than to take a road trip on the famously named route 66. Yes Dubai has the E66 which links Dubai to Al Ain, the oasis city bordering with Oman.

Being new to Dubai I tried to use the services of a fixer, someone with local experience and contacts. My landlord a Syrian chap who has been in Dubai for over 10 years seemed the best choice so I tasked him to find me a rental car, ideally a Honda…clearly touching on my sentiments as I was missing my Accord from the UK.

He confidently told me “no problem, my friend I find you a vey good Honda 2011 model at a good price”. So on Monday straight after work I head down to the car rental company to pick up the motor and there was a surprise waiting for me. The Honda was actually a Hyundai, starts with the same letter but it’s not the same car.  I mean the Honda is a respectable car for the middle aged boring driver like me, but not the Hyundai that’s strictly for nerdy librarians and clearly not made for the miserable old gits which fit my criteria.

What a disappointment, my fixer either got confused and or he was taking me for a ride. Probably the latter, but I’d been fasting for a month and it’s not good to jump to conclusions, so let’s put it down to human error. With the holiday period in full swing I decided to take the Hyundai in case I ended up with no car.

So this morning I set out on the route E66, travelling from Dubai in a south easterly direction to Al Ain a distance of 130km. Now driving a Hyundai was going to be one dull experience so I decided to spice it up, taking a leaf out Top Gear I decided to do my own version of a “star in a reasonably priced car”. Now after undertaking some thorough research I learnt of the Jebel Hafeet Mountain Road, this runs for 7.3 miles up the mountain of Jebel Hafeet rising 21,000 feet and with 21 corners this would surely be the ultimate test for the Hyundai.

This fine piece of mountain road is said by some to be the finest driving road in the world, even Bollywood had been in action with the film RACE starring Anil Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan being shot on this location. So singing along to Atif Aslam’s “Pehli Nazar Mein” a soundtrack from the movie Race I headed out to Al Ain on the E66.

The human mind is so powerful, the sense of imagination can literally transform a modest Hyundai into finest supercars in the world. The pictures of Saif Ali Khan, Katrina Kaif and Anil Kapoor in fast cars were buzzing in my head and I was clearly out of it. But not for long, as soon as I arrived at the foothills of Jebel Hafeet a mountain range which towers a mighty 1,240 metres and started the ascent the 1.6 litre engine was screaming with the equivalent of mechanical pain. Despite running in second gear the torque was completely lacking and the engine and gearbox were enduring a torturous ride (at this point the driver started praying).

                                   

You have to be in a Nissan GTR with 500 horses under the bonnet, or any other supercar to enjoy the driving experience on this most magnificent road. With the Hyundai any thoughts of impressing Katrina Kaif quickly disappeared as I was worried about blowing the engine, clutch, and the gearbox.

Fortunate clearly favoured the brave, and I managed to nurse the car all the way to the top of the Jebel Hafeet Mountain Road. Stepping out and admiring the scenery, I noticed something was not right. I like trekking, and what I enjoy is the peace and harmony at the top. But here the sounds of engines revving up the road spoilt the enjoyment, so I decided to park the car and venture on foot to the ultimate peak.

Now despite having a very impressive trekking cv (Pen Y Fan, Snowdon, Scaffel Pike, Ben Nevis etc) I was venturing in a foreign country without my mentors and trekking buddies drill sergeant MSG & bush tracker FR. This was going to be one tough mission in sweltering desert heat with no equipment, no water, no walking boots actually nothing apart from my mobile phone.

But in front of me were some Pathans walking in flip flops without a worry in the world hiking their way to the top. These guys would never get lost in Tora Bora, they were naturals at walking on mountains so I just had to follow them. And so I did, when they pulled away from me I would listen out for the Rahim Shah Pashtun tracks blaring from their mobile phone and would pick the track up again. Gradually turn by turn, step by step I was at the top and what a magnificent sight it was.

Dubai Architecture

Dubai is a modern city, go back to 1966 before oil was discovered and there were only nomads in the desert and some pearl fishermen on the coast. In fact the emirate did not even have their own currency, but instead relied on the Gulf Rupee which was actually issued by the Government of India.

The expansion of the Emirate, and the construction boom which is unparalleled in modern human history led to a truly futuristic city with an amazing skyline. But the financial crisis has left its mark with many partially completed projected obscuring the landscape.

Close to where I live in Business Bay I can see many towers of all shapes and sizes in the process of completion or even abandonment. Some of the designs are fascinating, others are completely weird. Surely the architects must have been on drugs to come up with some of these buildings.

I’d love to see the expression on the face of Prince Charles if some of these towers graced the London skyline, given his withering hatred of modern architecture. Actually having seen some of the wild and wacky building designs in Dubai I’m becoming a little sympathetic to the Prince.

Buildings in photo

Prism tower $70m project & looks like a prism with a helipad on top.

Iris Bay – oval shaped construction, looks like a crescent moon

One business bay – wedge shaped with increasing floor area as the building rises

Warning armed and dangerous

On the Dubai Metro there are signs every where warning of fines if you break the rules;

Smoking – 200 Dhiram fine

Chewing gum – 200 Dhiram fine

Eating & Drinking – 200 Dhiram fine

Damaging property 10,000 Dhiram fine

But one rule they missed off is farting on the train, last week I was aboard a crowded train heading home when some dirty monkey let rip a stinker deadly sulphur fart. The foul smell of vile eggs and rotting cabbage lingered in the air for several minutes. With the passengers squeezed like sardines there was little room to escape from this most foul gas, so now I’ve decided to arm myself with a  bottle of eau de toilette and my finger will be on the trigger next time I’m on a crowded train.

Queue Busters

Today I decided to visit my cousins in Abu Dhabi as I had not seen them for a many weeks. The excitement of a trip to the neighbouring emirate and seeing “me brethren” engulfled me as I got up early to have a shower, sprayed the finest eau de toilette that I have in my collection and donned the best “Junaid Jamshed designer” shalwar kameez.  It was Friday, it was me day off, I was going to see me brethren and I wanted to look jolly dapper. I was oozing with “shtyle”, and the designer goatee was the icing on the cake.

I took a taxi to Al Ghubaiba Bus Station to catch the coach service to Abu Dhabi, after purchasing my ticket for AED 20 I was shocked to see the queue for boarding the coach.  There were around 300, yes THREE HUNDRED single men or “bachelors” as they are categorised in UAE were forming an orderly line which snaked its way through the vast open space of the bus station. There was no shelter, only the intense heat of the summer sun beaming down and cooking everyone. Within minutes of standing in this dangerous heat and high levels of humidity my bodies own internal cooling system kicked in and sweat was literally pouring to cool me down.

As I waited around 30 minutes until finally boarding the coach, I noticed that the rule in the UAE is that men queue in the sun but ladies & couples are fast-tracked straight to the coach. No waiting, no sun shine beating on your back, it’s like having a “Monopoly” pass GO card.

At that point in time, a moment of creativity hit me…..well I’d like to put it down to inspiration rather than early symptoms of heat stroke. What if I had a life size doll possibly a mannequin dressed in an abaya would this allow me to join the ladies & family queue and save myself from being roasted in the 40 plus summer heat? This would even allow me to bypass the bachelor on the beach rule, and if the mannequin could float in the sea I would no longer need a swimming aid!

Wrong colour

I accompanied a friend in Dubai to the UAE/Oman border post at Hatta on a visa run, a lot of Brits do this so that they can extend their stay by a further 30 days without the need for a visa.

When we arrived on the Omani side and entered the border post it was 11.30 in the evening and the place was empty. My friend needed to complete a form for the entry stamp but had no writing instrument, he politely asked the official behind the glass screen if he could borrow a pen. A simple request one would think, but in this part of the world nothing is simple. The reply was a stubborn “NO!” followed by some jibber jabber mutterings in Arabic.

At the same time I muttered my own jibber jabber in the form of “F**k you d***head”, but I was wise to make it inaudible as I knew what was in store for me if the official heard my colourful comments.

So there we were waiting on the Omani side with no pen but in the presence of a rude official, clearly we had no alternative but to sit down play the waiting game. Some traveller was bound to turn up with a biro, but for the next 15 minutes there was none…..No soul to rescue us.

By this time the official had a change of heart, he muttered some more jibber jabber and handed over a biro. He had proved his point whatever it was, and we managed to complete the form and return back to UAE.

When I was back in the office I asked a colleague “why are the Arabs so arrogant?”, and gave the example of the Oman border crossing. His reply was “the Arabs are not arrogant, you are the wrong colour my friend”.

Film deal?

I read the other day that a work experience girl who toiled at Sony has landed a multi-million pound film deal from Hollywood producers.

Could I be sitting on a nest egg with my blog?, Imagine Hollywood, Bollywood, Lollywood, or even Nollywood  knocking on my door asking for the exclusive rights to all my blogging tales.

Will my exposé’s on Dubai (a lot which have not yet been published) arouse the interests of literary agents? Probably not, but it would be an interesting read for sure.

 

It's raining men.....1 Indian every 3 days

Last week a desperate worker leapt to his death from the top of the worlds tallest building, he jumped after his employers refused his holiday request.

Yesterday another Indian leaps from and another tall buiding, today I read in the papers that one Indian commits suicicde every third day in Dubai, SHOCKING statistic.